awake

recalcitrant \rih-KAL-suh-trunt\

adjective
1 : obstinately defiant of authority or restraint
2 a : difficult to manage or operate b : not responsive to treatment c : resistant

My body is a recalcitrant fortress, certainly no temple. Even two tablets in, there's no sleep to be had.

blah

agog \uh-GAHG\

adjective: full of intense interest or excitement : eager

Fuck being agog about anything.

push it

satiety \suh-TYE-uh-tee\

noun
1 : the quality or state of being fed or gratified to or beyond capacity : surfeit, fullness
2 : the revulsion or disgust caused by overindulgence or excess

The trick is to convince yourself of satiety before the satiation hits. Or just lose your mind and believe you can live off apples. Either way deception is necessary for beauty.

stamp me

validate \VAL-uh-dayt\

verb
1 a : to make legally valid : ratify b : to grant official sanction to by marking c : to confirm the validity of (an election); also : to declare (a person) elected
2 a : to support or corroborate on a sound or authoritative basis b : to recognize, establish, or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy of

I need validation. I get it from the wrong places and I know it. But I don't know how to change it.